I don’t think I’m made for this world.
I stand on an island. Around me, everyone talks. They move like the sea, finding acquaintences and leaving them as the tide rolls in and out. I’m different.
One of my most trusted friends cut me off today. I’ve always had conflicted feelings towards him, knowing deep down that something awful was brewing. Outside of our friendship, he was always a questionable person - womanizing, yapping, and flaking. Yet together, he changed. I felt seen. But clearly, he felt differently. I asked to talk about it, I just got a soliloquy of a text where an “I don’t want to see you again” would have been enough.
All of my old friends are great people. They’ve stuck with me for the better part of 8 years. But it’s surface level. I enjoy every second we spend together, but am drained afterwards. It’s time squandered. Yet I can’t afford to risk anything real with them. They’re problem solvers, and what they can’t solve, they minimize. Me, if they knew me, would inevitably push them away. And if it didn’t, what would be the point?
So what am I left with? A lifetime of solitude. I must take my problems into my own hands, because to crack for a second would leave me worse off than before. Daunting, doable, but it wears me down. The mask weighs me down, and my face melts behind it.
This is life, and god damn is it long.